chat n chew

I was the first to go in our group of new trapeze-ers. I thought I needed to go first so the anticipation didn’t kill me. Once I got up there, I couldn’t jump. Just couldn’t. The instructor on the platform seemed angry and told me to stop convincing myself out of it, and start convincing myself into it. The instructor on the ground told me to just do it. The whole gym stopped to watch. Finally, the instructor next to me suggested I just jump out and swing. I think the freedom to finally stop stressing about doing the trick eased me but in truth, I have no idea where that fear switch is in my brain. It comes on like a 500 watt bulb and it has often seemed in my life there’s no way to turn it off.

After doing the trick 4 times later, the instructor on the ground seemed proud. He came to me and said I should think about what other things outside there that I was stopping myself from doing because I claimed to be too scared. He’s right.

These days, with a decent career and a nice apartment, friends, family and a growing new relationship, I don’t have a lot of opportunities to question my fears. But I know I still have them.

Thank you trapeze school. And thank you to me for finally jumping.